Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
