my vag is so smooth its legendary
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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