we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
