Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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