WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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