I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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