I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
