smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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