Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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