After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
