I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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