Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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