she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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