we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
