Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
