I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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