I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
