so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
