Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
