i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sext me about skeletons
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
