he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
did you just send me my own nude
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
