Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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