connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
