paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
