So drunk, too bad you don't want this
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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