I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
