did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
