I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I enjoy the company of your penis
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
