My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
