I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
