I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
