Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
