Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
