I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Man, jail baloney is awful.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
