guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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