Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
