Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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