I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
