I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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