do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
