remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
