i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
