I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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