I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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