I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
