Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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