I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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