do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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