...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
