I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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