brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
