Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
