Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
