you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
