In the future we'll all be gay
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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